


You are the reason

by mainsqueezemish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Could Be Canon, Episode Tag, Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, I Made Myself Cry, Introspective Castiel, Introspective Dean Winchester, Kinda, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mainsqueezemish/pseuds/mainsqueezemish
Summary: Dean doesn´t want to turn around, but his feet are moving anyway because it´s Cas. And God help him, but that means something.That missing scene in the season finale. Kinda.





	You are the reason

**Author's Note:**

> These two make me feel a lot of painful things..  
> Heavily inspired by the song You are the reason by Calum Scott that´s why I´ve added the lyrics.  
> This is my first fic and english is not my first language so please be gentle. (Please let me know about grammatical errors, I didn´t feel like this was good enough to bother a beta with)

_There goes my heart beating_  
_Cause you are the reason_  
_I´m losing my sleep_  
_Please come back now_

He knows what Dean is about to do, maybe even a few seconds before Dean himself comes to the realization, and his mind goes blank.

“No. What if… what if you had your sword?” Dean says and Castiel´s mind does a 180 and goes into overdrive.

“Dean, no.” But Dean has already made up his mind. He has spent the last ten years following (t)his human´s every step. He knows him. Right now, he wishes he didn´t.

“I´m your sword. Your perfect vessel. With me you´d be stronger than you´ve ever been.”  
“Oh, I know what you are.” Cas wants to scream at the man, whose essence looks so much like the brother he used to look up to. He doesn´t trust him for one second and in this moment, he is reminded of the cold and calculated look the Michael of this world used to bestow on him. As if he knew that Castiel was going to cause him problems along the way. In the end, he wasn´t wrong. But, that doesn´t seem to matter now anyway. After all, here he is reliving the nightmare that is the impending apocalypse, for yet another time.

“If we worked together, can we beat Lucifer?” This time around, it feels a million times worse.

“Dean.” Dean. Dean. It´s always been about Dean. He remembers it as if it was yesterday. Pulling Dean from the pit, getting to know him. Falling for the human slowly and then a hell of a lot faster. He´d given everything for him and he´s been given so much more in return. Right now, he sees it all crumbling down.

“ ** _Can we_**?”

“We´d have a chance.” But _you_ don´t, Castiel´s mind screams at Dean. If he allows the archangel into his body, there´s a good chance he´s never going to leave. And he guesses Dean knows that too. He can see the tightness in his shoulders and the way they rise and fall quickly with every short breath the hunter is taking. They come fast, as if his body is determined to get at least a few more in before he inevitably just stops

“Dean. You _can´t_.” It feels a lot like begging, but he is not above begging if it´ll get Dean to change his mind. He knows it won´t.  
“Lucifer has Sam. He has Jack.” Dean raises his voice but when he turns around his face doesn´t show any anger, only desperation. He´s desperate to save his family. Their family. Castiel doesn´t care. Because behind the determined façade he can see a flickering doubt in those green eyes. As if Dean wants to be stopped. As if he is begging Cas to come up with a reason not to do this.

“Cas, I don´t have a choice.” He wants to tell him differently. There´s always a choice, Dean is the one who taught him that. But the words get stuck on his tongue. There´s tears in his eyes and he sees them in Dean´s too. They´ve shared a lot of these long glances over the years but right now it´s different and they both know it.

Dean turns away and Castiel watches him steel himself.  

“If we do this, it´s a onetime deal. I´m in charge. You´re the engine but I´m behind the wheel. Understand?”

_There goes my mind racing_  
_And you are the reason_  
_That I´m still breathing_  
_I´m hopeless now_

_I´d climb every mountain and swim every ocean  
Just to be with you and fix what I´ve broken_

_All, cause I need you to see, that you are the reason_

_There goes my hands shaking_  
_And you are the reason_  
_My heart keeps bleeping_  
_I need you now_

This is it. Dean´s not an idiot and he knows his chances of making it out of this in one piece are slim. He´s made up his mind, but that doesn´t me he likes this. Looking at Cas makes it worse and he can feel the tears forming in his eyes so he turns away and braces himself.

“If we do this, it´s a onetime deal. I´m in charge. You´re the engine but I´m behind the wheel. Understand?” Dean´s not an idiot but he plays pretend every day of his life.

“Wait.” It´s a single word and doesn’t make his resolve crumble but it´s trying it´s best. Dean doesn´t want to turn around but his feet are moving anyway because it´s _Cas_. And God help him, but that means something.

“I didn´t get to say goodbye.” Cas´ voice sounds as wrecked as he looks and Dean gets it. He tries his best to forget about it, but not long ago the angel had lain dead at his feet. Forcing a smile seems pointless. His vision starts swimming again and he angrily wipes at his eyes. Cas just stands there and looks at him in that way of his. Dean is not the only one crying.

It only takes two quick steps and they´re in each other´s arms. Dean´s heart is racing and he´s close enough to feel another heartbeat matching his. He tightens his arms around the angel, not sure who´s comforting who. And maybe that’s not what´s going on here at all. Lips are moving against his neck as Castiel sobs his name into the silence of the bunker. Dean. Dean. _Dean_. Right here, his name sounds like a prayer. Right now, Dean prays that he won´t forget who he is.

“Cas.” The first time he says his name like _that_ shouldn´t be under these circumstances. But Dean figures they´re not going to get different ones. His tongue suddenly feels heavy and he doesn´t say anything else but Cas understands.

He wishes they´d had more time.

_If I could turn back the clock_  
_I´d make sure the light defeated the dark_  
_I´d spend every hour of every day keeping you safe_

_And I´d climb every mountain and swim every ocean  
Just to be with you and fix what I´ve broken_

_All, cause I need you to see, that you are the reason_

It takes him a moment to realize its gone and to put the pieces together and then he screams.  
Cas has always felt Dean. The human´s soul has known him ever since their journey started in hell and there´s not a moment where it is not reaching for him. Longing. It´s when the longing suddenly stops for the first time in ten years that Castiel realizes what happened. And he weeps.


End file.
